today is the first day of raya…
mum woke me up at 7 to go for prayers…
after my bath, i rushed to get ready as i did not want to miss the praying session.
as i was gettin ready i heard the takbir from the radio.
the takbir was a prayer tat me and sis would usually listen to together.
sadly this year, i was alone; listening with pain and guilt.
my sis was not there to cry with me.. she was not there to be by my side; and, i was not by her side as well.
i took a deep breath knowing tat im suppose to have a clear mind for prayers.
i put it all aside and smiled as if nothin, nothin was wrong at all…
as usual, me and dad was late.
so we had to wait for the next session.
we soon got in. the sharahan was bein recited and we sat and chanted along.
itis said tat, if u r in god’s house and you are fulfilling your duty(prayers) your doa’s(wishes) will be answered.
knowing tat i am not a truly holy person. i was unsure if god would answer my prayers.
but, im not giving up. i believe in him.
i made my doa as we were about to finish. one of it of course was for him to help bring my family back together.
which is mainly, bringing back my sister.
as we set off from the mosque, i felt a pure sense rejuvination. as if i had been purified.
but i was unsure of wat it was and so, i ignored it and went home.
a few hours later, we got ready to go out for our visits. we got dressed, looked great and certaintly stunning.
but i found it hard to fake a smile, because in this year’s family photo, something is missing.
something that means the world to me. my sister.
we took pictures and set off to my aunts place where my sis is staying.
the night before, she did mention tat she wud be goin out when we came. so i decided not to call them up to let them noe tat we’re comin so that my sis wud b there whn we get there.
throughout my journey in the cab, all i could think of was, will it work?
will she come face to face with our parents?
will they forgive each other.? i was in dilemma.
we finally got there.
i could feel the adrenalin rush. i cud hear the sound of my heart beat in my head. i was hoping tat he(allah) heard my prayers.
assalamualaikum… i greeted my aunt.
i looked inside. and i din c her. i was sumhow dissapointed. i shud haf known better.
then, my aunted shouted “nurul! bangon nurul..”
i was exhilarated with mixed emotions.
my sis is actually there.
i was smiling from ear to ear.
i cud not wait to c her.
all i wanted to do was to give her a hug.
we went in as she went to have her bath..
we were eating as she was done… she took a towel and covered her face as she walked pass…
later, my aunt said,”adik sini, kakak panggil”
i was extremely excited…
i went in, saw her and gave her a great big hug..
then…
my aunt gave me $$$(hehehe)…
i then stayed in the room and chatted with her…
seconds pass…
minutes passed too..
then my aunt said”nurul hurry up… go see your parents..”
i didn noe why, but for some reason, i cud feel how she feel.
nervous.. no.. extremely nervous..
we then both went out…
she went to my aunt and she said something i cant quite recall..
then, my sis walked pass me…
around the chairs in the hall and headed towards papa…
she went on her knees and she asked for forgiveness…
i could feel the pain.
tears were filling up my eyes but i quickly wipe it away.
no one saw it(thankfully)
next, she asked for forgiveness from mom..
again i was brought to tears..
i remained silent for awhile..
i just witnessed the work of god.
he answered my prayers.
he actually answered my prayers..
allah listens when one believes in him..
i hope he forgives me for my wrong doings and my sins as well..
now, i truly believe in allah..
the words of the quran is truly something not to doubt..
now, we are a family again. sis came home and we took pictures.
family pictures…
1 complete family pictures…
ALHAMDULLILLAH…..
hey there.. i juz got back from geylang bazaar… so pact…
haiyo…
gee came along too…
then met my mom and went to luk for my baju kurong….
well… we were suppose to wear gold this year…
but after much lukin around.. nothin seems to catch my attention…
so i gave up so we went to first lady..
there.. i saw a white one.. it is reli nice.. not over decored.. so its fine for me..
me n dad got the same one…
after tat went to the makan place for buke.. got there at 5.30!!
so early.. i noe.. but wat to do… kiasu mah..
then after buke.. i wanted to go buy chendol wit gee.. then we went out and saw…
wani!!!
haha.. long time no see…
k.b and the other marsiling dikir boiz were there too…
shook hands, exchanged hi’s and hugged..
after buying chendol.. met hafiz jiwang wit sum sec 3 kids & the guy hu always wear the same stripe shirt la..
then.. walk walk walk… saw… erm.. wats her name huh?? erm.. alar i dono hu la.. but i noe she sec 4…
then walk again but this time w/out my mom around coz i wanted to smoke.. then saw this sec 1 girl la..
the band member.. the woodlands cheerleader la.. i oso dono her name… oops…
then after tat went home..
so tired…
k la..
wanna rest now…
oh my god..
practical is finally over..
can sae easy la.. but quite hard la…
i noe i got my gradient 4 physics wrong.. i 4got the rule of gravity…
dammit man..
but im so glad it was pendulum..
if it was electricity.. i cry on the spot… haha..
overall shud be ok la..
i hope…
now gona finish up my art then gona start studyin like hell..
n i mean i like hell…
gona drill this tiny little brain of mine..
i haf to..
i want to..
and my friends believe tat i can do it..
so i must not let them down…
haiz..
im still missing someone so much..
yet.. nothin can be done…
keje die keje keje keje…
haha..
nevermind…
as long as ur happy..
went for prayers just now with hafeez n karym..
met adib, ihsan and haikel there..
so playful sak..
praying still can laugh..
ape cakap???
haha
k la.. i wana go to bed now…
got to let this brain rest…
nytez people…
im over the moon…
the look on your face..
the smile on your face…
you are just….
someone i reli adore…
seeing ur face again after sumtime reli made my day…
it was weird at first when u called me..
its as if u knew i miss you…
im smiling from ear to ear the moment i saw u comin…
well…
we have our own sepate lives to lead..
none the less friends we shall always be…
all the best on your new job..
hope no one bully you..
haha..
miss you already…
haiz….
Snow Patrol
Chasing Cars
We’ll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don’t need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
I don’t quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They’re not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life
Let’s waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we’re told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they’re all I can see
I don’t know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
i want my sis home.
the situation at home is killing me.
o levels is so fuckin near n no one seems to care.
mom wants to travel n dad wants to sleep.
and he even said, if i don wake up whn mom is not around then he’s gona leave me.
fine.
then let me fail my stupin n not important exam.
no one fuckin cares.
with those shitty people out there, it only makes things worst.
im like studyin till 6 daily.
my fuckin small and stupid brain tire easily.
so when u see me sleepin, it does not mean im lazy.
im seriously fuckin tired.
i noe im stupid.’
i don nid stupid pathetic bitches like izyan(anwar’s hoe) to call me names or discriminate me.
who is she to do tat?
stupid fugly bitch.
suicide is a common topic my soul has been thinkin of…
but i noe im strong.
watever it is, i still have to work my ass off.
i juz dun undastan y am i just so fuckin stupid?
why wont anything get into this stupid head of mine?
why?
no one knows me like i do. so dont judge me.
cause,
ONLY GOD WILL JUDGE ME!
call me names, make fun of me.
its ok.
this stupid fat boy will just take it and keep it.
coz i have better things to attend to.
had talk with the principal today…
so she was like comparing our marks…
lucky mine was not announced..
haha…
now school ends at 6 everyday..
will be havin intensive maths programme…
haiz..
more hell 4 me…
still tryin to get my fundametals…
SCIENCE PRACTICAL is comin!!
oh gosh…
its so scary…
haiz…
i miss ******!!!!
like hell!!!
arghh….
haiz…
nvm…
must stay focus 4 my exams…
k la…
gtg now….
have u ever liked someone so much but you cant let it show?
it hurts to see tat person in love. epecially when the person tat someone likes is not u.
it so painfull.
goin thru every single day as if nothin is wrong is just unbearable.
i wan tat someone to know tat im madly in love.
i would look for tat someone every minute every day.
i wud smile when tat someone smiled.
i wud be worried when tat someone is not in sight.
i wud be over the moon when tat someone is around.
i wud be delighted if i can let tat someone know tat im in love.
but…
i cant.
i do not want to spoil or wreck this friendship.
i dont.
well…
wats worst is tat i wont be seeing tat someone anymore anyway…
N-level has ended and i’ll be graduating soon too..
so in other words..
there is no way i’ll be meeting tat someone again..
haiz..
how i wish i can just let tat someone know..
haiz….
well..
have been really busy lately… must finish up my art by this week and i finally finished it today… gonna take pics of it soon… i only have like erm… some pics of my undone piece… haha.. must start studyin man… its like in a few weeks time u noe… so scary…
have gotten back my prelim 2 results…
pretty happy with it cause i have definitely improved in certain subjects like humans and science..
i scored better than before… cool… gotta work harder…. relly wanna pass… haiya.. k la.. gtg la..
taking care….
