nothin more i could ask for.

i lay awake starin blindly in the dark,
helpless and alone.
recalling my memories, i hold in my tears.
seeking the attention i hardly get…

maybe i wasnt always there, maybe i didn show enuf how much i care.
deep inside, i hide it all..
deep inside, i do.

how much i wanted u by my side, how i want u here everday and every night.
i will always remember the days, u held me thight.

u worked hard, everday and everynight,
i noe ur tired, i noe u tried.
to be the perfect men, the family men.
u did it well and im proud of u so.

i hope you heard me when i said i love you.
deep inside i wana hear ‘i love you too’
as silent as you may be,
i noe you do.

forever i will hold u.
forever i will love you.
forever i will remember you.

thank you for giving me the best years i can ever ask for.
thank you for giving me life nothing else i could ask for.
thank you for bein you, papa.

i love you.

the days go by oh so slow..

so.. yea… its bin 4 days…

lately, i’ve bin reli tired.. i dono why..

i sleep alot..

yet im still tired…

i dono why..

i find my self awake at night ant in the day i’l b very tired..

i miss my friends..

but i gotta stay home..

now its 2.50 am and everyone is aleep..

im awake typin this entry..

i reli dono..

but i noe… dad is still around and hes watchn over us..

i did feel his presense whn i was sleepin in his room and on his side of the bed yesterday..

oh i miss him so…

im just prayin for his safety and happiness..

i hope hes doin ok..

so, yea.. things haf bin quite stressfull…

firstly of course coping with the fact that my dad just passed away..

i just got to know sum serious MOTHERFUCKER has been goin round sayin stuff about me.. seriously, im not in the mood to find out who.. gosh i seriously dono wat u FREAKINGBLOWJOBS want from me.. dun u ASSFACE got anythn better to do.? like FIX UR OWN GOD DAMN LIFE INSTEAD OF RUINING OTHERS JUST TO MAKE URSELF FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU KNOW BETTER ITS U WHO NEEDS SERIOUS HELP YOU FUCKIN PIECE OF SHIT!

phew.. damn im vulgar..

lol..

but seriously to the MOTHERFUCKER,

FUCK OFF YOU FREAKIN JERK OFF!!!

phew..

okok..

i shud stop..

shudn care bout wat that SHITFACE wana say or watever rumour that SHITASSFACE wana spread.. i noe better…

nyte!!

papa, i love you.

finally, on 17 july 2008 at 3.30pm.

my dad’s sufferin ended.

9 months he suffered through treatments and theraphy.

hospital was his home for 9 months.

constantly goin thru yet endurin so much pain.

finally, slowly, his soul was slowly taken away.

it was painful to watch.

very.

he couldn even talk nor cud he move.

all he did was breathe, nod and move his right arm…

we couldn do much but to be by his side…

in the mornin, he got weaker, by 12 noon he was very weak..

slowly,

he went to sleep.

he went so quietly.

so calm.

so safe.

we prayed for his safety and we’re happy that he’s no longer suffering.

i had to hold in my tears as we were not allowed to cry.

it was really really hard.

he had to be buried straight away due to some medical thingy.

it was reli hard.

i had to let him go somehow.

if i grieve over it, he wont go easy…

went to the burial site whr i was called to place my dad in his grave.

whn his body was carried to me, i was happy at how light he was.

its a good sign.

a reli good sign.

i was happy.

yet tears was bein held back yet again..

it was a reli painful experience.

i reli hope he knows i love him alot. alot.

no other father can do what he can.

hes not perfect but he does hes best at everything.

even when he got retrenched, he still looked for a job just to ensure we haf food and shelter.

no matter how little it pays.

he would work all day and all night. takin little naps on his breaks.

thats how hard he works. his day off? sundays if hes lucky.. if not..

half a sunday.

memories of him bein with the family can never be erased..

it never will be.

where ever you are, take care and i love you papa…

i love you…

if you love someone, let them know.

when its too late; then they will never know…

breathe…. & let it out!!!

okay…

so…

wat were you thinkin whn u saw the title huh??

tsk tsk tsk..

people, im back in band again.. back to my roots.
altho i do miss my own band..
the kids..
the constant giggles and chuckles of the sec 1s whn i do stupid stuff..

here,
in this new band,
i feel like a sec 1.
lost.
i dont know anyone.
and you know at?
this time, haha,
karim, yana and amin is my seniors..
how weird..
anyways..
yup..
i back..
i got alot to practise tho..
i suck.
big tym..
my side readin, a lil gone case. haha
playin, hmm.. u decide. haha
i suck la.
but i will practise..
no doubt.
comp is this sunday for fuck sake.
just hope the band gets an award…
haiyo..

and yea…
my feet.
the pain is back again…
haiyo..
cacat sia..
worst part is,
if i dun get better, im so screwed whn i go n.s la.

haiyo…

oh ya..
i went for ear candling today!
shiok la siol!!!

haha…

and my aunt say i shudn diet..
thn hakim and gee saed i gained weight(thanks eh)
wah..
i reli feel like i did tho..
but in my fairytale, im fine just the way i am..
so, yea, im ok..
hmph!
u say i fat wait u get it back..
sap.. it rhymes.. haha

anyways..
yea..

i’l b busy working and practising this whole week..
so yea..
i’l update soon for those hu even bothers readin this crap..
haha

bye!