piece of thrash

oh well..

wat can i say about sluts nowadays…

not sluts la..

just one particular one..

oh hell yea, im no one..

but you?

worst..

your nothing but thrash..

poor you..

your life must seriously suck huh?

try me…

period…

no big words needed here.

never ending bitchin

ok..

seriously,

i dun get it…

why are people even botherin to bitch about me?

im not perfect..

im not a star..

im no idol…

wth?

who am i man?

seriously..

so what isit?

why is thr a need to be bitchn bout me..

i dun say you cant..

but seriously leave my personal life out of it for god’s sake..

wat has it gotta do with you?

what?

i dun wanna sound like an asshole…

but hey,

wat? you cant get me so you bitch about me?

is tat it?

get a life la..

im no one..

wat do u get frm bitchn about me..?

leave, me, my personal life and my friends alone..

fuck you if you got so much to say..

seriously, FUCK YOU!

for the record…

hell no i am not with acap. we are damn good friends..

wtf??

(who the fuck even started this sia??)

and..

i do not..

i repeat..

I DO NOT HAVE A EX WHO IS A DRUMMER!

sial la..

since when sia???

wth…

seriously..

when you wana noe sumthn..

its best to ask the person him or herself..

you ask sum other bugger they can say anythin and for all you know it the next day its spreadin like sars..

so ya..

you got issues or wat so ever,

fuckin hell just ask me la if it will fucking satisfy your fucking desire..

don come and talk big shit like “if i noe your friend talk about me they watch out” wtf??

you, are nothing as well..

and we do not wish to even talk about you la eh kepala buto!

sheesh….

damn…

seriously…

this world is filled with kpo ppl..

maybe its just singaporeans..

lol..

watever la..

i wanna sleep..

oh ya,

hey fucktard!

here’s a message for you,

FUCK YOU!

SKYPE/ CODE:EDGE2

ok..

so..

since my mom has alot of frens overseas…

i’ve downloaded skype for to contact her friends..

but you know wat..

hell im havin alot more fun with it..

haha..

its like msn video chat. but.. i dono…

more fun!

haha..

people!!

quick download skype!!

its fun!!!

seriously!!!

haha…

*chat sesion with non other kelvin!!*

okok..

anyways..

CODE:EDGE 2 WAS A BLAST..

reached thr just in time b4 the comp started.. no queue but still everyone was inside already..

yet i manage to squeeze my way thru..

haha..

lucky got andreas, fie, ame and ain infront..

haha..

so ya..

was there to support CLASSICK! and of course 5,6,7,8.

both teams did well but sadly both didn win..

last years solo winner zaihar didn win too..

preety crappy la the overall results..

zaihar was totally owning li la..

wth,..

anyways..

the results sadly was as crappy as last years one la..

but hey,

congrats to CLASSICK AND 5,6,7,8. for gettin in the finals for the group category..

and to the soloists,

congrats and job well done to zaihar, wansmooth and mizan.

ok la..

busy watchn tv..

will update again soon!

constellations…

“there is a boy sufferin inside this boy who’s enjoying…”

perhaps i should stop this negative thinkin.

i have been doin this alot since young..

no matter what, i always think negatively towards any situation..

its as tho i have no positivity in my life.

yet when it comes to others, itell them to not think so negatively..

seriously, its really bad..

it does affect me in many ways..

i stress myself out in an instant..

i get affected really easily…

i can get very very very paranoid too…

i dono..

sometimes i do think i need a phyciatrist..

cause there is alot in me that i choose not to let go..

i just keep it all bottled in..

i wanna talk about it with someone,

but im afraid they might not understand and they might see it differently…

its not easy.. really…

i know this is a common sayin, but it is true,

outside i am enjoyin, inside i am suffering…

i dono..

its just reli hard…

i reli wanna talk things out sometimes..

but reli..

i reli am..

afraid….

gosh fairul..

u need help…

hais…

god help me…

anyways..

all in all..

at least i am happy now..

very happy..

and i am very contented… to have ma boo in my life..

So Glad - Chris Brown

this is cute.. haha

where you at BUSHUUK?

HEEHEE

trust no one. NO ONE!

ok..

holy fuck im pissed!

seriously, you know what?

i cant trust anyone..

seriously…

i cant…

you know what?

i should just start lying..

i should just lie to all you fuck tarts out there god dammit..

omg..

seriously…

i took your word for it..

for real…

seriously…

and now this…

wow!!!

no wait..

WOW!!!!

fuck la sia..

seriously..

i reli donno what else to say..

no one fuckin reli noes whats goin on in this bloody pathetic lil brain of mine.. i mean it. NO ONE.

fuck!

arghhhhh!

i cant take it..

fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!!!!

*trust?

ya ryte.

thanks.

erghhhhhhhh..

(sorry for the vulgarity.. cannot tahan..)

one step at a time…

its about a month plus already since dad passed away..

but still..

i think of him..

i dun say it,

i dun show it.

but inside,

im deeply torn apart..

i did broke down a few nights back…

im just glad i had someone with me…

or i wud haf just cried my lungs out all thru the nyte..

havin the fact that i cant call “papa” aloud anymore just hurts..

i miss him..

i miss hearin his voice, his laughter..

i simply just miss him alot..

at werk..

whn i get breaks, i wud just sit in the store room n cry…

i haf to let it out…

i reli miss him….

nothin more i could ask for.

i lay awake starin blindly in the dark,
helpless and alone.
recalling my memories, i hold in my tears.
seeking the attention i hardly get…

maybe i wasnt always there, maybe i didn show enuf how much i care.
deep inside, i hide it all..
deep inside, i do.

how much i wanted u by my side, how i want u here everday and every night.
i will always remember the days, u held me thight.

u worked hard, everday and everynight,
i noe ur tired, i noe u tried.
to be the perfect men, the family men.
u did it well and im proud of u so.

i hope you heard me when i said i love you.
deep inside i wana hear ‘i love you too’
as silent as you may be,
i noe you do.

forever i will hold u.
forever i will love you.
forever i will remember you.

thank you for giving me the best years i can ever ask for.
thank you for giving me life nothing else i could ask for.
thank you for bein you, papa.

i love you.

the days go by oh so slow..

so.. yea… its bin 4 days…

lately, i’ve bin reli tired.. i dono why..

i sleep alot..

yet im still tired…

i dono why..

i find my self awake at night ant in the day i’l b very tired..

i miss my friends..

but i gotta stay home..

now its 2.50 am and everyone is aleep..

im awake typin this entry..

i reli dono..

but i noe… dad is still around and hes watchn over us..

i did feel his presense whn i was sleepin in his room and on his side of the bed yesterday..

oh i miss him so…

im just prayin for his safety and happiness..

i hope hes doin ok..

so, yea.. things haf bin quite stressfull…

firstly of course coping with the fact that my dad just passed away..

i just got to know sum serious MOTHERFUCKER has been goin round sayin stuff about me.. seriously, im not in the mood to find out who.. gosh i seriously dono wat u FREAKINGBLOWJOBS want from me.. dun u ASSFACE got anythn better to do.? like FIX UR OWN GOD DAMN LIFE INSTEAD OF RUINING OTHERS JUST TO MAKE URSELF FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU KNOW BETTER ITS U WHO NEEDS SERIOUS HELP YOU FUCKIN PIECE OF SHIT!

phew.. damn im vulgar..

lol..

but seriously to the MOTHERFUCKER,

FUCK OFF YOU FREAKIN JERK OFF!!!

phew..

okok..

i shud stop..

shudn care bout wat that SHITFACE wana say or watever rumour that SHITASSFACE wana spread.. i noe better…

nyte!!

papa, i love you.

finally, on 17 july 2008 at 3.30pm.

my dad’s sufferin ended.

9 months he suffered through treatments and theraphy.

hospital was his home for 9 months.

constantly goin thru yet endurin so much pain.

finally, slowly, his soul was slowly taken away.

it was painful to watch.

very.

he couldn even talk nor cud he move.

all he did was breathe, nod and move his right arm…

we couldn do much but to be by his side…

in the mornin, he got weaker, by 12 noon he was very weak..

slowly,

he went to sleep.

he went so quietly.

so calm.

so safe.

we prayed for his safety and we’re happy that he’s no longer suffering.

i had to hold in my tears as we were not allowed to cry.

it was really really hard.

he had to be buried straight away due to some medical thingy.

it was reli hard.

i had to let him go somehow.

if i grieve over it, he wont go easy…

went to the burial site whr i was called to place my dad in his grave.

whn his body was carried to me, i was happy at how light he was.

its a good sign.

a reli good sign.

i was happy.

yet tears was bein held back yet again..

it was a reli painful experience.

i reli hope he knows i love him alot. alot.

no other father can do what he can.

hes not perfect but he does hes best at everything.

even when he got retrenched, he still looked for a job just to ensure we haf food and shelter.

no matter how little it pays.

he would work all day and all night. takin little naps on his breaks.

thats how hard he works. his day off? sundays if hes lucky.. if not..

half a sunday.

memories of him bein with the family can never be erased..

it never will be.

where ever you are, take care and i love you papa…

i love you…

if you love someone, let them know.

when its too late; then they will never know…